Black clouds of ennui

Are people as confused as I or am I the only one who find it hard to sustain meaning to anything for a long time?

It has always been so. I find something unique and amusing and try it out for a few days to such an extent that it becomes a religion to me. I breath that thing, if at all that can be done and then one fine day when I wake up I see the familiar black clouds of ennui spreading its formless wings all over that amusing thing.

The same had happened when I got my first G.I. Joe toy. The same thing happened when I got my first Laptop. The same thing happened when I got my first job and the same thing is happening now when I have begun blogging.

There is a reason behind it, I am sure. So lets find out that damn reason. Shall we?

Okay, The G.I Joe and all other material stuffs never ever held any significant meaning to me. Somewhere I knew that attaching any meaning to such tangible yet fragile things would mean endless suffering. And so it is obvious for my subconscious mind to start losing interest over them.

There are things that money can buy and I thought atleast I will find meaning to it when I start to work for it. But after a while, when I saw how pathetic it is to work day in and out for a paycheck at the end of the month and when I saw how little that paycheck helped me to find happiness, I began to see the same black clouds hovering over me.

People say that one should follow one's passion. I lacked passion. The only thing that I liked doing was reading. I liked reading and the reading habit took a sharp spike when I quit my job. And till date this is the only thing that I have not stopped doing. This is the only thing, I believe, that would help me find a true meaning to my life.

Being a reader, I did visit numbers of personal blogs and I do that even now. And in those blogs I saw my first G.I Joe. And thus I started playing with it. But the more frequently I played, the more I began to see those black clouds again (When will they stop coming over to me!!).

No, I do not have any problem with the writing part. It is just a word to word write ups of the dictations made by my thoughts....

Perhaps, I am afraid that I won't be able to sustain this blogging journey for too long. I hate this part of blogging where a comment brings comment and a like brings like. I am afraid that this ugly bartering of




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